I'm here. I've made it to the other side of the continent. Unlike home, where the weather is rainy and dreary and suits my mood, everything is bright and white and sun-dappled. I saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time, and it twinkled in the sunlight. It's very confusing, because I'm very much a summer kind of girl, and for the first time, I've got it in October and I'm not in the right frame of mind to enjoy it.
Aside from having to run to the gate in Denver to make my connection to San Diego, the flight out here to sunny California was pretty uneventful. I like to think that Frankie was with me, but the truth is that I just don't know. In Toronto, though, I did my usual routine of going to the desk at the gate and explaining that I can't hear properly, so if they could give me the heads-up on boarding times now, instead of over the tannoy, it would be appreciated. Because of that, I got to pre-board along with an older lady on crutches, and which was a tiny bit of relief, and quite convenient. Maybe my deaf brother was with me after all...
I had a bit of happy time with Minarae and Weetabix, as they picked me up from the airport, and then we got to chat a little, and giggle a little, but I know I'm not on the chipper roll that I'm usually on when I'm with these incredibly good people.
I miss my brother right now. I miss him telling me to take a picture of the clouds, like he's asked me to do before every single flight I've ever been on. I hate like ever-living-hell that he's not back at home, waiting to hear if I saw the landing gear do it's thing from the window on the plane.
I'm alone in my hotel room right now, and I'm pretty miserable, because I'm not at home, in the arms of my family. But at the same time, my family didn't tell me to come to JournalCon so I can be weepy and make everybody uncomfortable and sad. With that in mind, I will maybe put on colour tonight, instead of black, and maybe laugh a little and enjoy the company of people who will understand if I don't sparkle as I usually do.
My natural inclination to find fun in anything will probably kick in, and my sister told me that I'm not to feel guilty about it if it does. And so I'll try. There will be forever to mourn. Right now, I suppose I should just embrace the chance to laugh in the sunshine.
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