The World As Mare Sees It...
More Pensieve. 2007-10-25

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Diaryland

Several things�

A few months ago, one warm summer night, I met an old college friend for drinks. I saw him across the crowd, pacing and waiting for me, looking at his watch and frowning and then pacing some more. I didn�t really want to start waving my hand in the air, yelling, �Oi! Over here!� So I positioned myself fetchingly, and sent a text � just look up - to his mobile. It�s actually one of the few times in my life I�ve made the quieter choice. Then I watched him reach into his pocket, flip open his phone, look up, see me, and smile.

It was kind of lame, I know, but also, it was kind of nice. Like� just right, you know? He has a pretty smile, and the whole minute or two would have translated well to television, if the swells of a one-hit wonder from the early �90�s were playing in the background, and both of us were better looking, or had any kind of interest beyond drinking and gossip in each other.

I should try being quiet more often.

* * *

I�m having issues with my hair. It�s consuming quite a lot of brain power. I don�t what�s bothering me more: the state of my tresses, or the idea that I really am this shallow.

* * *

I�ve taken up tap. I would have written about it before, but I couldn�t bring forth the words that would make it sound less dorky than it is. But there it is; I own shoes with metal plates on them, and once a week, I put on gym-clothes, lace up the taps, let a shrill martinet of a woman bark orders at me and seven other students, and sweat my ass off.

It is the hardest, sweatiest workout I�ve ever done, and also, the most joy I�ve had in a long time. I bang my feet clumsily to music, and forget my choreography, and get frustrated as my feet refuse to learn the combinations. I lean against the barre with a towel slung �round my neck and pretend that Debbie Allen is telling me that now it�s time to start paying, in sweat. I wipe rivulets of glow every few minutes, and am glad that everyone else, even the lithe yoga-goddess, has to do the same thing. I am shuffle-ball-changing my little heart out!

I am having the time of my life.

* * *

The fires in San Diego are scaring me, and filling me with sadness. I am afraid for my friends who live there, and I worry that the little bit of it that I saw for the first and last time two years ago will turn to acrid smoke and ash.

It was the first time I saw the Pacific, and it was the place where I got my first bit of respite from grief. I joked with friends, calling out to them, �Hug me before I become maudlin� and they did. I suppose that would happen in Toronto or London or Des Moines, but San Diego will always mean relief for me.

May they find some soon. It is, very likely, worse than we think it is, which is mind-boggling and scary. If you pray, send your prayers there. If you throw pennies in fountains, wish for rain.

More soon, poppets. Kisses.

2 comments so far

Beyond Our Borders
Ray in Austin
Red Nose
mopie
JenFu
timbrat
fulminous
Moronosphere
margaret cho
little owl
the product junkie



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Same old same old (arse) - 2010-02-16

iimage: Jack Vettriano