Days to JournalCon: 10
JournalCon Swag produced: 0
Days to my cousin's wedding: 4
Perfect shoes found to go with the perfect dress meant for the wedding: 0
Days to my Spotlight Dance, where I'll get to showcase my cha cha routine: 17
Number of steps in routine still causing trouble: Many
Right. So. The hearing aids. Here's the lowdown: Right now, I'm the most frustrated human being on the planet. Noise, noise everywhere! Beeps. Clicks. Whirrs. Tickatickatickas. It's. Driving. Me. Mad. Would you all just Shut Up?!
On the plus side, they don't look as obvious as I thought they would. The mold is quite clear so it's cleverly inconspicuous, and my hair is long enough and thick enough to cover the aid itself, which is a little flesh coloured thing that hangs behind my ear. The only part that's truly visible is the clear tubing that links the aid to the mould, and even that's rather unremarkable, so my vanity hasn't taken too much of a bruising.
Oh, but you know what's really cool? These things have a flirt mechanism! No, seriously! They're all digital and newfangled and such, so they've got a little button I can press to activate channel one or channel two. Channel one is for everyday use, but the other one... oh, the other one, the man-made digital miracle I like to call the Get Lucky Channel... very good, my darlings. Very, very good.
See, what happens is this: your Mare will strut her stuff into a noisy environment such as a, oh, I don't know, a lounge or a club or a particularly rowdy church picnic and she'll zero in on Lovely Boy of Average Good Looks Who Merits an Audition for the Future Role of Mr. Ingenii. (LBAGLWMAFRMr.I) Or you know, whoever.
So, there I am, standing at the bar or punchbowl or what have you, waiting to be served by the Hot Bartender/Church Lady. And because it's all crowded and noisy with people and music and hymns and such, it's difficult to chat up LBAGLWMAFRMr.I in the manner he deserves, you know? Because, I can't hear the poor sod!
But! But, but, butt (and you know he has a nice one)... but now all I have to do is press the button and flip over to Get Luck Channel, and all the background blather is muted, while LBAGLWMAFRMr.I's voice is amplified so I'm sure to get every single compliment he utters. It'll be like those moments in the movies, where the girl sees the man of her dreams, and the music fades out, and there's nothing there but him, him, him!
Isn't that positively brilliant? These things are going to help me score!
Happy Tuesday, poppets.
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