A Thursday, just like any other Thursday...
Today's entry is entirely angst-ridden... enjoy!
It's entirely probable that in the last hour, I've completely regressed into the asinine 14-year-old that was I, up until the age of 19.
I was asked to join - almost at the last minute - the monthly sales meeting. I've nothing to do with sales. I'm strictly behind the scenes in my consulting firm, however I've taken on a project for which the consultants needed to be briefed.
Commence miniature anxiety attack now.
(The consultants, by the way, shall henceforth be known as either Divas or Piranhas. Some of the lovelier ones can claim both titles.)
So, there I go, trotting into the immense boardroom, patiently waiting my turn to speak. Diva#17 looks me over and asks, with a slight sneer, "What are you doing in here?" (You know, like she's the head cheerleader, and I'm John Cusack when he played that geek in Sixteen Candles)
So, ten minutes go by. Then fifteen. Then twenty. Obviously, the plan that said I was supposed to speak at the beginning and quietly take my leave has obviously gone awry.
Divas question. Piranhas argue. The Veep keeps adding more fuel to the fire and all I'm thinking is that the less these creatures know the safer we all are. Then the Divas argue and the Piranhas question. It's a fun game to watch, if it wasn't for the body parts that are being verbally flung around the room.
Finally, into the bloody fray I'm summoned.
It takes me precisely 35 seconds to say what I have to say.
It would have taken five minutes, but I thought it necessary to neglect breathing at the commas. I did, fortunately, remember to make eye contact with my audience. Unfortunately, it was with only one member of my audience. Like a deer in headlights, you could say...
You know what the worst part is?
Somewhere in the back of my closet, there is a stack of headshots with seven years of theatrical experience listed on the back! I used to race to a stage, and monologue the hell out of myself in front of casting directors and theatre school judges on a regular basis. I was in community theatre! Do you know what that means?! I acted for FREE!
What the hell happened to me?
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