Operation Mini-Skirt Status: -27 lbs.
Days to England: 14 (Two weeks today!)
Mood: Better, now that The Rogue Pound has been lost.
We're going to start out with my favourite joke of all time today, people. I'm just in that kind of mood. You ready? You ready? Ok...
What goes clip clop, clip clop, BOOM?
(I'm chuckling already. I bloody love this joke!)
The answer? An Amish drive-by shooting!
Oh, stop it! You know you love it!
* * *
My firm has decreed, to my great joy and exultation, that tomorrow, Halloween, is Full Costume Day! Yay! And although everybody loved Lucy on Saturday, I'm going with a different get-up on the morrow. So exited! All I'm going to say is that it's terribly groovy, baby... and no, it's not Austin Powers.
I love Halloween. Except. For. The. Kids.
Oh, I'm evil now, am I? I'm a great big ol' sinner 'cause I can't stand the little beggars that come a'knockin' at my door?
Now, just listen before you dash off a load of hate mail to me. I don't hate all the kids. In fact, I don't hate any of the kids. But I do dislike the one ones who tend to have dark roots showing in their dyed-blond-too-many-times hair; who carry fake ID in their back pocket so that they can hit the bar after begging at my door, and for Goddess' sake, have boobs that are bigger than mine!
Ladies and gentlemen of the raging-hormone age, PLEASE STOP! If you attend the high school around the corner from my house, you are not welcome at my door unless a werewolf, zombie or other creature of the night is chasing you!
Mind you, the under-14 set still has some of their own problems, too. Children, if you want my candy, put on a damn costume!
"Oh, I see, little boy! What a clever outfit you have on! And what are you supposed to be, with your Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt, your crotch-to-the-knees jeans, your Calvins-in-size-small poking out of your waistband, and your Nikes that are worth more than my kidney? Oh, how wonderful! You're playing the spoiled brat who lives next door to me! Wait! What? Oh, you ARE the spoiled brat that lives next door to me! Well, I never would have recognised you with that Gucci purse in your hand. Why DO you have a Gucci purse in your hand, by the way? Oh! Of course! You're using your mother's accessories to hold your candy. Gotcha."
I'm saving the raisins for him this year.
I don't know. Maybe I'm old-fashioned. But if you don't have the decency to throw a sheet over your head before you knock, you just shouldn't go trick-or-treating! Stay home and watch Friends like everyone else who isn't wearing a costume!
* * *
So today is Wednesday. Hump Day.
Enjoy it for all it's worth. And before The West Wing starts tonight, head to your local Goodwill, pick up a fifty-cent dress or something, and join in the fun tomorrow. Have a good day, y'all.
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