Operation Mini-Skirt Status: -30.2 lbs.
Days to England: One more week, baby!
Mood: I'm feeling rather good today, thank you.
I have in my hands, saucy readers, my very own Mini Love Voodoo Kit. Is that not the cutest thing you ever heard of? Seriously, this could be the best $5.99 I've ever wasted. For one thing, things that say "Mini" and come in adorably compact little packages always get me. (For the record, the only thing I don't like in miniature sizes is food. And... well, food. We'll leave it at that.)
So, yeah. The Mini Love Voodoo Kit. Let's open it up here... right, why do they always make it so the plastic covering around the box is stronger than the box itself? Like, were they expecting to keep the Russian Army out? Ok, here we go. Voodoo... Love... oh God it's too cute! The first thing I pull out is this little stuffed doll; pink, with a smiley face on one side, and a frowny face on the other. It's about the length of my thumb, and it's got a rather plumpish figure. Kinda like me, about 30.2 lbs. ago. And except for the pink, it's rather androgynous, so I guess it works for either gender. There's writing on it... oh, ok! That's where to jab the pins! On the smiley side, there's Yummy Kisser, Big spender, Sense of Humour (only they spelled it with no U, so I guess it's an American invention), Flowers, Chemistry, Massage. Bah. That's stuff you can ask for, point blank... well, except for the chemistry part. Unless of course you wanted one of those miniature chemistry sets, which are also terribly cute, but that's another entry... Hmm. Maybe this was a bad investment after all... I thought voodoo was for stuff you couldn't make happen on your own... I mean, you can ASK for flowers, right? Doesn't mean you're going to get them, but really, would you enjoy them anymore if you had to stab a poor dolly for them? Tsk. Go to a flower shop. Ask for a bouquet. Enjoy. It's that easy. Right, the smiley side is uninteresting. Let's turn it over, shall we?
Ah, now this could prove to be more fun... What have we got here? Gold Digger, Jilted, Halitosis, Dry Spell, Body Odour (again, with no U. Do Americans not know how to spell?) and Cold Feet. Hee! Love the evil curses! Man, I'm gonna get some entertainment out of this!
Right, so what else is in the box? Little bag of straight pins. Only four. I guess there's a limit as to how many curses you can send out. I wonder what happens if I get a couple of dolls working together... Ooh, what's this? The Mini Love Voodoo Handbook, by... oh Lord... Voodoo Lou. Ok, fine, we'll go with that. So what does ol' Lou have to say? I'm going to open up to a random page...
The All Important Personal Effect.
To get things rolling, you're going to need a personal effect. That's an item that the person whom you are casting the spell on has had physical contact with. It can be a lock of hair or even a napkin...
Whoa. I'm supposed to deal with hair and used napkins here? Ok, this is getting gross. Let's skip a couple of pages...
In order for a love connection to happen, your intended has to be aware of your existence.
Bah. This is getting silly. Mare-Ingenii does not need voodoo to get noticed. Please. There HAS to be something useful in this damn waste of a six bucks plus tax...
Negative Spells (... right, this looks like it has promise...) The Impossible Bra Strap. Take a cord..." yeah... uh huh... hmm, you can do that? Ok, this looks do-able... and she's had it coming to her for a while, anyway...
Well, I'm not going to just tell you what it says, am I? That's six dollars I'd be giving away! Go buy the book... but if you aim anything at me, you know I also have the powers!
Have a magical Wednesday, my friends. If you want something to happen, do like Picard, make it so. Ask and you shall know. Seek and you shall find. Stab a doll and you'll probably awaken some dark forces, but there's probably mini kit for that, too. I'll probably buy that one next week.
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