People, please. Contain yourself. Matt the Rose Bowl Guy is gone, and he's not going to come back. I'm as surprised as you are. I thought for sure that The Chick With The Wristband was going to go, but then, poof! Off goes Matt! Just like that! Like, THREE whole weeks before I expected him to go! I just don't understand the American Idol voters sometimes. But, you know... whatever.
Also? That song he sang? Amazed? Is that what it's called? Poppets, thank the Lord for closed captioning because now I can stop singing, "Baby, I'm ashaaamed of you" whenever I hear it. (Bless my poor broken ears. Mind you, I've always hated that song. Maybe I'll just stick to my original lyrics.)
* * *
I really need to start dieting again. While my waist is still alright by North American definition (i.e. disgusting in Europe), my bottom, poppets, is starting to qualify for its own postal code.
Unfortunately, I've somehow lost all traces of a backbone, and all ability to count. To clarify, nutritional labels, like instruction booklets and maps, have become a blur to me. I am completely incapable of measuring out food, counting calories, comparing fat and carb content, or using any sort of common sense or logic. My Weight Watchers point counters are used for nothing but fanning myself while I stare, from a lovely vantage point on the other side of the room, at my treadmill. Sometimes, I like to mix things up a little, and turn my head to stare at my big, red exercise ball. Oh, yeah, lots of excitement going on around here!
It's like I go from one extreme to the other - all in the same day! While devoted to work, I am a frenzied machine. I am focused; I keep busy; I am unstoppable!. And then? I stop. I stop, and fall down into an unhealthy pile of sloth.
My beauties, I have goals in mind. There’s a little over two months to my birthday, and five months to B.E.E.R. 2 and JCon. I've got flirty hemlines to think about, and thighs that need a talking to. I've got a treadmill that I haven't used in a couple of weeks, and a whole spring line that needs to be purchased. I've got spending power, dammit, and it's got to be put to good use!
I need a challenge! I need a dare! I need some group action! (No, not that, you perverts. Ok, well, maybe a little of that. Meet me in the bathroom.)
Who's in? Who's in for the Mare Needs New Clothes and Wants To Spend Lots of Money on Herself (and others, too!) Diet and Exercise Challenge?
(Also, while I can't be roused for my own good, I'll do my damndest to fill a promise to others. This works for me, I promise.)
How about this: You lose a pound, and I put a dollar in the Others Have To Eat Fund. I lose a pound, and I put $5.00 in the Mare Wants Something With A Flirty Hemline fund. (Y’all, I don’t have that much to lose. If I only put up a buck a pound, I wouldn’t make it to The Gap’s discount table.)
Anyone who wants to join me can report (honestly, please!) on how much they lose. Email, guestbook, notes, whatever. Just as long as you’re honest, you’re invited. What's in it for you? Well, how about this? Aside from the obvious benefit of the all-friends-together way of losing weight, you'll also be helping me with a charity. (And that's on my honour too, poppets. I'm no liar, and I've been looking for a reason to give some money away.) On my 30th birthday, I will buy myself a pretty new something, and then, with the money from the Others Have To Eat Fund, I will toddle over to the grocery store, (wearing my pretty new something, so that I can look smashing while I flash an inappropriate smile at the adorable university-aged bag boy who works on Thursdays) (not that I've been taking note or anything)(except when I have) and purchase groceries for The Daily Bread Food Bank, a truly good and sensible organization in my city.
Are you in? Are we in? Are we going to do this? May 31st, poppets. May 31st, I turn 30, but more importantly, some great family gets a few more staples for their kitchen cupboard.
Flirty Hemline Fund: $0.00
Others Have To Eat Fund: $0.00
Edited to add: Oh my God! Holy emails this morning! This is going to fun, and the Daily Bread Food Bank is going to get a motherload of food in May! Fabulous!
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