Operation Mini-skirt: -41.6 lbs.
Mental State: Rather good, if only because I'm wearing a black pencil skirt and a soft grey sweater, and I think that black pencil skirts and soft grey sweaters were put on this Earth just to make me feel feminine and slim and happy.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, because I love you all dearly and wish to continue our relationship with trust and honesty, I will use this as a platform to confess my general wrongdoings. Here I am, in all my faulty glory.
Bless me Reader, for I have sinned...
- I love chewing gum, and despite having completed almost 29 years, I still retain a horrible need to blow bright pink bubbles at the most inopportune times. Like, when my boss is watching. Or right now, while writing about it.
- My lingerie rarely matches. In fact, on days that I look chic and put-together and thoroughly accessorised, you can pretty much count on the probability that I'm wearing a white bra, purple underwear, and knee-highs with a run in them under the pants.
- I have a problem with replacing the toilet paper roll. It's shameful, I know. But it's a fact. Sometimes, I just can't be arsed.
- I spend far too much money on magazines that don't improve the mind. In fact, I'm starting to suspect that they're beginning to act as a deficit on my mental power. I quote Jane and People like a priest quotes the Bible. Only, I tend to do it out of context, which can be disconcerting. Did you know that Diane Lane is only 3 years older than her boyfriend, Josh Brolin? Somehow, I thought she was much older.
- Since I've lost a considerable amount of weight, I spend far too much time marvelling at myself in the mirror. It's disgusting, really. What could once be called insecurity in now just shameless vanity.
- I can out-eat you.* I don't care who you are, it's a surety that I can eat more than you can. I can't limit myself to girlish and bird-like nibbles. Much like Warren Beatty is a lover of all women, I'm a lover of all food. (*I was going to say that I can eat you under the table, but that's just dirty.) Ahem.
- I have impure thought far more often than is good for me. I'm such a guy sometimes.
- I rather like instant coffee.
- I covet other women's shoes. It's not a fetish or anything, but sometimes, the way I'm caught staring at them, one would think it is. It's starting to concern some people, I think. Doesn't matter to me. As long as I can have their shoes when they come to take me away ha ha...
- Somehow, in a manner beyond my imagination, I've been sucked into the beast that is American Idol. I successfully resisted last year, pshawing the growing success of Justin and Kelly et al. But this year, itís all about Ruuuu-ben!
Right, I think that's enough airing of the soul for today. One can only unload so much before the ground around one's feet starts to get really dirty...
Much love, poppets. Indulge in a guilty pleasure today, but don't tell anyone about it. You'll enjoy it more that way.
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