Do you ever wonder why there are certain things in life that work for you, and certain things that don't? Even if you desire each just as equally, and if you work hard enough for both of them, even if you pour all your energies into everything you want, it just seems that you're not rewarded every single time?
Why is that? What cosmic ruling says that you can't get everything you want? Or is it you? Is it possible that on some deep and hidden level inside of you, there's a certain knowledge, an utter truth, that bounces around the idea, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just may get it"? Then, that certain knowledge, that little part of yourself that understands that utter truth actually acts on it, but doesn't let the rest of you know, so what you're left with is the satisfaction of working hard for what you want, and the consequent disappointment that follows because you didn't get it.
Oh God. I don't know. I'm just playing with an idea. It's a work in progress. Don't prod too much, because it's an idea that has a startling resemblance to Swiss cheese. (It's full of holes, people! Sheesh! Do I gotta explain everything?)
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In completely unrelated matters, there's a hottie walking around the office today. I hate it when that happens. I'm gonna get all lusty and full of fantasy and whim, and then he's gonna go away without me actually having uttered a word to the poor bastard.
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I'm seriously considering spending a ridiculous amount of money to start up my dance lessons again. Approximately ten weeks of dance lessons - that is, 10 private lessons and all the practice parties and group lessons that are held, and which I can attend so long as I'm taking privates - will run me over twelve hundred dollars.
I used to pay far more a few years ago, when I was deeply addicted to the grand art and sport of ballroom and Latin dance. Truly, it was an addiction. Two years later, I still miss it so incredibly much. I miss the buzz of energy and happiness I had when I was dancing three or four nights a week. I used to replay a good cha cha in my head the same way I'd replay a romantic moment with a guy. But really, I can't justify spending that much. Not when I want to save for the grown-up future I've not quite started yet. (Y, that's me. Turning 29 in a month, and still a kid.)
Screw it. I think I'm gonna do it. Or maybe not. I'll let you know. But you knew that, didn't you?
Much love, poppets.
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