I feel funny.
I feel like I've jumped on the caboose at the very last second, actually. I feel like I was thisclose to missing the entire train of journalled goodness that's out there to find, to enjoy, to inspire.
I feel lucky.
I've been sitting here for the last hour, doing exactly what I've been doing since JCon ended, doing what everyone else who was at JCon has being doing since JCon ended, which is troll through the attendees list and scope out their recaps of the weekend.
Oh, look! I'm mentioned! Complimented! Linked! Flattered beyond all belief and immensely honoured to have been remembered. Lovely, lovely, and oh my God look at my traffic shoot through the sky! And look, she's mentioned and so is she and he and him and her and them, and I know him and hung out with her and wished I could have spent more time getting to them and there's the thing with the bras and the thing with the gorgeous blond on the gorilla and the thing with the cowboy bartender and the thing with the falling down and the hospital and the drunken debauchery had by all…
And the love! The love and fan-worship, all of which is absolutely justified because a more talented group there never was, poppets. A more talented and charming group there never was. I thought I was the only one who was going to Austin with stars in my eyes, but yet again, I prove to myself that I'm really not that unique. It's not disappointing; it's not a relief either. If you want to know the truth, I'm really enjoying being on the same wavelength as such an interesting bunch of writers. And the best part? When we left, we still had stars in our eyes, which is always special, no?
But now... now... now I'm actually starting to read the words that brought the writers to Austin. More of the words. All of the words. Don't get me wrong. I always had my regular reads, my favourites - some of which are listed, some of which are not. I'm on Notify Lists all around the online diary community, and I'm devoted to the writings of so many talented people. I remember saying to someone on the first day of JCon, "You know, I don't know anyone here, and yet there are at least three people I can walk up to and ask, "So, that jackass never called back, did he?" or "How's that new job? Is it working out?"
And I only now understand that I'm still missing so much goodness, so much written gold.
Fifteen minutes ago, I had tears streaming down my face, because I'd just finished reading the last few months worth of entries of a particularly interesting diarist I met over the weekend. I am in awe of his ability to string words together in a way that simultaneously break my heart and lift up my soul.
Yesterday's lunch hour was spent screaming with laughter and gasping for breath as I perused the archives of a fabulous and entertaining young woman who I'd not been smart enough to read before I met her in Austin. We spent some time together there, and my only regret is that there wasn't more of it.
Last night, while I was half-heartedly doing some work for English Company Canada, I spent a considerable amount of time online with someone who simultaneously makes me giggle because he's so wonderful, and makes me melancholy because he's so far away.
Within 24 hours of returning from JournalCon, I received emails from people who, even before Austin, I'd already believed to be intensely cool numbers. That they actually exceeded my expectations is fabulous; that they welcomed me to them throughout the weekend is happiness in itself; that they continue the friendship is an honour.
It was wonderful. I'm so glad I was a part of it. I took home so much more than a bag of swag.
* * *
In other news...
Tonight is the Spotlight Dance. Sergei and I will perform the cha cha that I've been working on all summer long. I've been wanting to dance to Santana's Smooth since it first came out - it's kind of sad that it's happening on my last night of dance.
I've decided to not re-new my lessons for a while. It's an expensive activity, ballroom and Latin dancing, and I've so much I want to do in The Near Future... I hate to have to push it down the priority list, but I also realise that although it's a great source of happiness for me... well, it's not the only source.
After all, are there not shoes and purses to be purchased, poppets?
So, do wish me luck tonight. I'll be wearing the dress that wants to fly off the hangar and do her own flamenco. I've had a word with her though, and she's graciously agreed to let me have my moment in the spotlight.
Applause is my favourite sound in the world, my beauties. Let's hope that tonight, I deserve it.
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