Operation Mini-Skirt: I don't know. I was afraid to step on a scale this morning.
Mental State: I WAS AFRAID TO STEP ON A SCALE THIS MORNING! WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?
I spent the weekend eating. In my pyjamas. Are you with me here? I spent the weekend eating in my pyjamas. And that's all I did. I avoided calls. I didn't go outside. I resisted conversation. I did take several showers though, and I changed into fresh PJs, so it wasn't a complete session of filth and disgust. But yeah. That's what I did. I ate. In my pyjamas. Oh, and I read a couple of books. While I ate. A lot. In my pyjamas.
Are we thoroughly disgusted yet?
I don't know what happened.
Actually, that's a load of hooey. I do know what happened. I fell apart. I made it through Valentine's Day in a virtual BUBBLE of freaking happiness. Oh, I was sooo looking forward to my evening of sparkling independence. Dinner! Theatre! The theme song to the Mary Tyler Moore show playing in the background as I swaggered the downtown sidewalks! ...she's gonna make it after aawwlll!
And you know, I was really and truly psyched up for it. Who needs a Valentine? Who needs someone to love? Who needs the comfort and warmth of someone's arms around you? Am I right? Who needs it? Why bother? After all, you are Sparkling and Independent! You are Your Own Woman! You get to throw your hat up in the air!
You are full of shit.
I forgot about one little thing while I was planning my evening of Self-Appreciation. Couples, couples, everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Nuzzling, and dewy-eyed. Holding hands. Loving. Each other. Why? Because it's freakin' Valentine's Day, that's why!
Don't get me wrong. I didn't fall apart because of other people's happiness. I fell apart because I thought I could be happy in the face of it all, and I failed. The fact that I came home from the theatre feeling thoroughly dejected and alone was such a... drop... such a low after the fake high I had been riding all day... It was the failure to remain happy that threw me into this silly and pathetic funk.
You know what I feel like? I feel like Charlie, in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Only, I didn't actually get the Golden Ticket. Even though I squeezed my eyes tight and wished so hard I knew it would happen for me, even though I wanted it so bad I could taste it, I just didn't get the Golden Ticket. So, to make up for it, I broke into the chocolate factory, lay down on one of the conveyor belts with my mouth open, and just let great gooey gobs of chocolate fall in.
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