So, in an effort to make me face reality, Bette Parker sent me a little probability-survey thing yesterday afternoon. After plugging in the percentile importance of things like height, weight and facial appearance, other stuff like attitude and artistic talent, as well as things such as ambition and humour and sensitivity, factored in with items like pectoral muscle mass versus penis length versus hair style and colour, I was given my likely odds for meeting Mr. Dreamy.
This does not bode well. This does not bode well at all. Alas, here was my answer:
You have to meet 12,021,051 heterosexual males who are between 28 and 32 years old who are living in your city or are willing to move there.
Gah! GAH! Does this mean I have to meet over 12 million males of horror BEFORE I find something good, or that I have to meet 12 million men, and WITHIN that number, someone lovely will appear; OR that there are over 12 million men that are just waiting for me to pick one of them, because I obviously don't care who I end up with and any one will do, and then this schmo will make me happy for the rest of my life, because really, it's all one big game of Mr. Personality Meets The Bachelorette?
Would somebody help me here?!
Miss Parker got a 201, and I have to agree with her. At first, that sounds good. Very, very good... at first. It looks like she's discerning (as opposed to my all-encompassing, standard-free, sluttish numbers), so that there's a far lower number than mine, but reasonably high enough to ensure that life isn't just a tasteless remake of Serendipity. But then she pointed out that at a few weeks short of 28, she's probably already met 201 somewhat dateable men, and "there ain't no soul mate to be found."
It's all rather complicated, isn't it? Maybe it wouldn't be so distressing if every time I spoke to a guy, I wouldn't put him through this silent and judgmental audition that involved an imaginary conversation with my father about future intentions and sperm-count.
Happy Thursday, lovelies. Enjoy your must-see-TV finales tonight.
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