The World As Mare Sees It...
Sole Sucking Agony. 2003-09-30










I am totally waging war against shoe and clothing retailers. Or rather, they're waging war against me.

It's not enough that I lost a load of weight for you people, now you have to tell me that I have fat feet? Gah!

So, my cousin's wedding is coming up in 11 days. I bought the dress, which is lovely and wonderful and all flamenco-y and such. Really, I couldn't have scored better if I tried, what with the price being excellent beyond all reason and the frock itself having just enough personality to act as my date for the evening, which is lovely because frankly, I don't want anyone to notice that I'm flying solo to a wedding yet again. (See? That's the secret, poppets. If you can't find an adequate dancing partner for the event, bring a dress that can talk. And flatters your boobies.)

Anyway, I've decided that The Dress merits a new pair of shoes. (This way, if the she doesn't treat me nicely at the end of the night, I can cozy up to the footwear instead. Gah.)

So I go shopping the other day. And my shoes? They pop out at me. POP! Like, right there, almost the first pair I see! Oh, so cute, with a little retro T-strap and the sassiest heel this side of Jimmy Choo. And they're on sale! And the only size they have is a nine - my size! Whee! So, the dreadfully well-dressed sales girl brings them out, I rub my hands together in glee and attempt to put one on. Attempt is the operative word there, poppets, because I honestly believe that that someone put the label on the box upside down. There is no way on Manolo Blahnik's green earth that those were nines! Six, I'll believe, but nine? Nuh uh. So I said, "Erm... these don't seem to be my size."

"Oh, but they are!" she responded prettily. "They're a particularly small style of shoe, you see, a very narrow cut. That's why you can't put your rather wide foot in it."

Excuse me? Excuse me? I. Do not. Have. A Wide. Foot. And hello! They're shoes! Shoes! A shoe is a shoe is a foot is a foot is a shoe! You can't fool around with footwear, people! Plus, I was at Aldo's, ok? I've been able to buy shoes at Aldo's since forever, and all of a sudden, my foot is too wide for a bloody eighty-nine dollar on sale pair of shoes? Huh?

Yeah, it's war. War, I tell you. Someone is going to hear about this. I just haven't figure out who 'someone' is yet. Any ideas?

* * *

Has anyone seen my Guestbook lately? Peek-a-boo? Darlin' you're lovely, and you know I totally live for lovely and anonymous notes... but my God, not knowing who you are is going to drive me mad! (Don't get me wrong... I adore it... but... mad I tell you! Absolutely batty!)

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Beyond Our Borders
Ray in Austin
Red Nose
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the product junkie

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Check In - 2011-03-25
Ain't love grand? - 2010-07-26
Airing things out - 2010-02-22
Wierd. - 2010-02-19
Same old same old (arse) - 2010-02-16

iimage: Jack Vettriano