It would be ridiculous to lie; I may as well admit now that I fully expected to pass through the weekend in a shell, unable to sparkle, unable to feel, uncaring about what was going on around me. I was hoping my natural inclination to find fun in anything was going to kick in, but I wasn't betting on it.
My pain was so very, very deep a few days ago, and indeed, it still is. My heart aches, and I feel physical pain because I returned last night to a house that, even at full capacity (which it usually is these days, because we are Italian and we are close and that is what we do), is still horribly, soul-breakingly empty.
But I suppose my mother and the rest of the world was right - going to San Diego, to JournalCon, was exactly what I needed. I left not wanting to leave, which is something I wasn’t expecting. But I've also come back with renewed strength, with a feeling that the time away has given my spirit a chance to start healing.
It was a fantastic weekend.
Time heals all wounds, they say. I suppose that's true, though right now, I can only claim fervent hope that it is. What I can testify to, though, is the very fact that laughter aids in the healing as well. Laughter and song, magic and flowers, drunken carousing and giggling gossip; bits of fun I'd always taken for granted and now realize are just as important as water and air.
It was the people, of course. Surround yourself with good people, people with heart, and you will find comfort. They will let you talk, and get angry and smoke too much. They will let you show them your photos, and ask questions, and understand that you will stumble while you answer them. They will smile upon seeing you, and hold you close without words. They will comfort you at night, and in the very early morning, and under the midday sun. They will sing all your songs, and dance all your dances, and hold your hand when it needs to be held.
I was very, very lucky this weekend.
As is usually the case, my tales will come out a bit at a time. No sense in rushing matters, really. More soon, then, yeah? It wouldn't do to hold out on the squee and the scandals and the exclamation points.
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