Operation Mini-skirt: -43.2 lbs.
Mental State: Fairly strong. It's Friday after all.
I admit to loving a little drama.
It's part of my nature to be drawn to something that's been exaggerated by a surge of human emotion. When I was a younger, I loved becoming swept up and embroiled in a bit of teenage angst. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it seems that it's not something one grows out of. Teenage Angst, you see, just turns into Grown Up Angst. There's always something to watch out there, and you don't have to have 249 channels to access it either. Just look out the window and watch the world.
An altercation between two people at a party that gets a little louder than they had intended is always intensely interesting to me. What could make someone angry enough to forget where they are and cause a scene? Is it justified? I always want to know.
The obvious and admiring glances between two strangers on a dance floor makes my heart swell, and I end up keeping a firm eye on the both of them for the rest of the night to make sure that the boy does indeed get the girl. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, alas.
Workplace politics are always a good source of theatre, and I'm always up for a gossip at the water cooler. Oh, I don't actually say stuff. I honestly don't. I just open my eyes really wide and feign amazement, an action that somehow produces an effect on people that makes them want to tell me everything about what one Piranha did to another Diva, and what The Powers That Be have to say about it. It's kind of cool, actually, this gift of mine. When a colleague thinks I have information and starts to pump me for it, I'll gaze and pretend to ponder, squint my eyes a little and say finally, "It's hard to know, isn't it? One can never tell." That makes them happy enough to give me their own version. That's what I like to call interactive people watching!
It's not that I'm nosy.
Ok, fine. Maybe it is that I'm nosy. But I don't mean to be, I really don't. It's not that I want to barge in and be part of the drama. I just adore trying to figure out what one person is going to say or do before it actually happens. I love creating happy, or at least ideal, endings in my head, and then tracking it to see if it happens that way. I want the bad guys to get their comeuppance, and the good guys to get the girl, the job, the raise and the credit.
The problem lies here. Lately, I've done nothing but look out the window. It dawned on me in recent months to look behind me, and see who and what was in the room with me. My job is progressing nicely enough. My friends are steady. My health is good, save for the random ulcer here and there. My family has it's regular ups and downs, which is consistent enough. Everything is consistent enough that I don't have to keep an eye on it anymore. It's all the same. No one new has walked into the room in a while. My life has become... well... I'm afraid that it's become... stagnant. The loss of 6 dress sizes is only exciting enough to the purchase of a new pair of pants. But once you wash the pants, that's old news, too.
I've been living vicariously, I'm afraid. It really is time to create my own drama.
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